In my last post, I basically bore my soul about my journey, and struggle, with infertility. I still get butterflies at the thought of all those feelings being out there in the open now. My family and a few choice friends have been there with me through it all, but it was always something so private in my life. I do feel good about it though, and I’m still trying to serve and live joyfully in the now.
I am so grateful for the outpouring of support that I received after posting about it! My main goal was to show people that we can do hard things and still be ok. We all have trials to endure, but we can still find happiness in life. My struggle with infertility was HARD, but I wanted everyone to know that I’m OK. My family and I, we found happiness through it all.
But now I need to continue on with the next chapter of my story. It could’ve ended there, where I left off the other day, but I am blessed beyond measure that there was a secret epilogue waiting for me. And it may seem insensitive to be sharing this after that post, but for me, there isn’t one without the other.
If you read the last post, I mentioned my good friend who was pregnant. Well, the day finally came for her baby to come! She said that I could tag along with her family at the hospital for the birth and I was giddy with excitement that entire day. Around this same time, I was finishing up yet another round of fertility drugs, shots, and ultrasounds. I read up on a bunch of old wives tales on helping your follicles to grow (tmi?) and did them all. I put my feet up on the wall, held a warm compress on my stomach, and drank tons of milk every night. I felt pretty silly and was still pretty pessimistic about the outcome, but I had to do what I could. We were running out of options as far as procedures went and I had to make this round count!
The morning of my friend’s delivery day, I had to babysit, run errands, and do preschool and school carpooling before I could head over to the hospital. It was such a hard wait! I was so excited for her and to experience a birth from the “other” side (well…not that side, but the side behind her head). While I was out running errands, I also couldn’t stop thinking about the pregnancy test burning a hole in the bottom of my purse. I didn’t want to ruin the day with disappointment but I took it anyway. When I first looked, the usual one line showed up. I threw it back in my purse and headed out of the store. Later, during lunch, I convinced myself to look at it again. And this time, TWO LINES.
I was cautiously optimistic, but I gushed to Curtis about it anyway and then got to join my friend in the seriously magical experience of birth. Her baby was perfect, I felt so honored to be a part of it, and inside I was leaping for joy that I might finally have a chance to go through that again myself.
I am now almost 16 weeks pregnant. I get these overwhelming feelings of gratitude wash over me several times each day. I don’t really understand all of the reasons why I had to wait two years for this outcome, but as I said in my post about infertility, I had a whole lot to learn. I had a lot of growing to do and even though it was the longest, hardest, most tearful wait, I’m glad that I’m now a little bit better of a person for it. And hopefully that will help me be a little bit better as a mother to this blessed new baby and the three awesome boys already here!