I really wish someone had told me, back when I was a first time mom, that nursing doesn’t necessarily come easy. I didn’t think twice about it because it seemed so natural. If my body automatically knows how to product milk, then my baby will naturally know how to drink it, right!? I also got lucky with my first, dear Ande – my dream baby. He ate well, slept well, and hardly cried.
When Owen came along, I thought I had this parenting thing in the bag, which is why I took it so hard when things didn’t go as smoothly. Nursing with Owen was like trying to walk on water. It just wasn’t happening. I still don’t really know why it didn’t work. It just didn’t. And I was miserable. I thought I had failed him. And to be completely honest, it really did make the bonding process a little different. Slower even. It all turned out fine in the end. He is healthy, smart, happy, and we do have a close bond now. I just wish someone had warned me early on that it’s not always easy. Maybe I would’ve had more perseverance to keep trying with Owen if I had been ready for the trial.
And then came Milo. His birth was so easy and smooth. I don’t really know why, but I felt so at ease throughout his newborn phase. Maybe that was the reason that he and I really got into a groove. He was my best nurser yet…maybe a little too good. I had planned to stop nursing when he was one and when the time came, I could tell he was ready. But boy was I not ready. Milo took the transition to no nursing with such ease. He didn’t seem phased by it at all, but I was feeling all kinds of sad. What if he doesn’t love me as much now?
It has been about 2 months now since I weaned Milo and I still miss it on occasion. After seeing a friend nursing at church one week, I thought…maybe I could start up nursing again!? But then I realized that I was maybe a little bit crazy.
Anyways…I guess I don’t really have a point in all this rambling. I just wanted to record my feelings about it all. I have loved nursing my babies, but I also know first hand that it doesn’t always go the way you’ve planned. It is hard. But either way, as long as you are loving them, they will have all they need.